StarCraft Live!
by mirari1
Summary: Kerrigan and one of her Zergling minions are interviewed on a talk show. Enter chaos stage left.


            Disclaimer:  You guys all know the spiel by now.  I don't own Starcraft, or any of its associated characters.  Don't bother suing me, I am pathetically cash-less.  

A camera pans around a large TV studio talk show set.  It is brightly lit.  Three chairs, placed around a small glass table, stand in the center of the set.  The audience applauds as a short blonde girl walks onstage.  She waves at the audience and grins at the camera.

K'Rin:  Hi all, and welcome to Blab, America's favorite talk show!

Annoying Audience Guy Sitting in the Back Row:  You wish!

K'Rin:  (pretending she can't hear Annoying Audience Guy) My name's K'Rin, and I'll be hosting today's segment! 

Annoying Audience Guy:  Boo!

K'Rin:  (glares at Annoying Audience Guy)  On today's show, I'll be interviewing one of Starcraft's most beloved creatures, the Zergling.  The Queen of Blades, Infested Kerrigan, will be assisting me as translator.  So—

Annoying Audience Guy:  Would you get on with it already!

Audience:  (giggles)

K'Rin:  (scowls) SO, as I was SAYING, please give a warm welcome to our guests, Infested Kerrigan and her Zergling minion!

Kerrigan and the Zergling walk onstage to the sound of wild applause.  Kerrigan waves to the audience.  They settle themselves on chairs, where they are joined by K'Rin.

K'Rin:  Hi Kerrigan, Zergling.  I think I speak for everyone when I say how excited we are to have you here today!

Audience:  (cheers wildly)

Annoying Audience Guy:  I'm not!

K'Rin:  I'm really beginning to dislike that guy…  So Kerrigan.  Is there anything you'd like to tell us about Zerglings before we begin?

Kerrigan:  Well, they hatch two to an egg, they make very loyal minions, and they can slice through Terran flesh like butter.

Audience:  (applauds uncertainly)

K'Rin:  Fascinating.  Does this particular Zergling have a name?

Kerrigan:  Its official title is The Devouring One, but I usually call him Happy.

K'Rin:  (eyes Zergling, which is chewing on the armrest of its chair)  Happy?  Why Happy?

Kerrigan:  I like irony.

K'Rin:  I see.  Mind if I ask Happy a few questions?

Kerrigan:  Knock yourself out.

Annoying Audience Guy:  You suck!

Kerrigan and K'Rin:  (scowl)

Happy:  (snarl)

K'Rin:  Okay Happy.  How are you feeling today?

Happy:  KIYAGH!

Kerrigan:  (translates)  It says it's hungry.  It wants to know if it can eat that guy in the first row.

Guy in the First Row:  (pales)

K'Rin:  (considers this)  Mmmm, okay.  But not 'til after the show.  I'm trying to keep this to a G rating.

Guy in the First Row:  (gulp)

Annoying Audience Guy:  Kill him now!  Kill him now!

Happy:  (hisses)

K'Rin:  (continues to ignore Annoying Audience Guy)  So Happy.  Do you have any hobbies?  What do you do in your spare time?

Happy:  KIYAGH!

Kerrigan:  It says it likes to kill things and then eat them.

K'Rin:  Hmmm.  Any interests besides killing and eating?

Happy:  (growls menacingly)

Kerrigan:  It also likes to maim. 

K'Rin:  Do you have any relatives?

Happy:  KIYAGH!

Kerrigan:  He says he has a brother.  I call him Bashful.

K'Rin:  Interesting.  Do you name all your Zerglings after the seven dwarves?

Kerrigan:  I don't know what you're talking about.

There is a commotion backstage.  A Protoss bursts onto the set.

Happy:  (growls)

K'Rin:  What are YOU doing here?

Tassadar:  Protesting.

Kerrigan:  (raises an eyebrow)  Protesting?  Protesting what, exactly?

Tassadar:  This show is discriminatory!  Look!  The audience is Terran.  Kerrigan and the Zergling are Zerg.  The Protoss are the only species not represented here.  I have a signed notice from the show's producer demanding that you interview me too.  (waves notice at K'Rin)

K'Rin:  (snatches notice)  Let me see that!  (examines paper, then looks accusingly at Tassadar)  This is in your handwriting!

Tassadar:  Hey!

Kerrigan:  (takes note from K'Rin and flips it over)  It's also written on the back of a grocery list.

K'Rin:  Interview application denied.  Security!

Three Mutalisks flap into the room and carry off Tassadar.

Tassadar:  I'll get you for this!  I'll have my reveeeeeennngggggee!

Annoying Audience Guy:  Haha!  What a loser!

K'Rin:  (finally losing patience)  Shove it buddy or you're next!

Annoying Audience Guy:  Bite me!

Happy the Zergling jumps off the set and runs up the aisle towards the Annoying Audience Guy.

K'Rin:  Hmmm.  I think Happy took that as an invitation.

Happy:  KIIIIIYYYAAAGGGG!

Annoying Audience Guy:  AAAAAAAHHHHHH!  AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Remainder of Audience:  (screams in horror, then flees from TV studio)

K'Rin:  Ewwww.  Well there goes our reputation for family oriented television.

Annoying Audience Guy:  AAAAAAHHHHH!  AAAAAAAAAHHH—

Kerrigan:  I told you it was hungry…

Happy, finished with the annoying guy in the back row, turns and pursues the rest of the audience out the studio doors.

K'Rin:  (watching Happy escaping the studio, has a flash of insight)  We just loosed a blood-thirsty alien beast on an innocent unsuspecting populace, didn't we?

Kerrigan:  Yeeees.

K'Rin:  We should really probably call animal control or the National Guard or something, shouldn't we?

Kerrigan:  Yep.

Silence.

K'Rin:  So…Wanna order a pizza?

Kerrigan:  Sure!

Both exit the studio.  Closing credits roll.

            So, what did you think?  I've never posted in this fandom before, so feedback is much appreciated.  Flames will be used as Happy chow, as I am too broke to buy a daily supply of raw flesh, and I've nearly exhausted my supply of younger siblings.


End file.
